Car hits bus in Aurora Colorado
Posted by RAD at 08:01 AM | Comments (3)
July 29, 2004
Woman Arrested for Eating in Subway
What kind of fucked-up laws do they have in Washington DC? Arrested for eating
in the subway!? What kind of people pass such laws? You’ve got to be kidding me.
That’s the most insane thing I have ever heard!
To quote the article, “Metrorail has been criticized in the past for
heavy-handed enforcement of the eating ban. In 2000, a police officer handcuffed
a 12-year-old girl for eating a french fry on a subway platform. In 2002, one of
their officers ticketed a wheelchair-bound cerebral palsy patient for cursing
when he was unable to find a working elevator to leave a station. Unflattering
publicity eventually led the police to void the ticket.”
Washington has been under heightened security because of the continuing threat
of terrorism … heightened security for someone eating a candy bar? That’s
outrageous! That’s freakish! I think this is just another reason to fear what is
happening in America. They day I get arrested for eating a Nutrageous is the day
that I become a citizen of another nation where candy grubbing people can live
free from tyranny.
Candy eaters of America should rebel. If any copper tries to arrest me while
eating my Nutrageous, I’ll shove the cand bar into their festering gobs faster
than one can say “there's no wrong way to eat a Reese's!” Then I would get
charged for assaulting an officer. Good. I will eat my fries anywhere I want.
This story seems fake. Can it be true!? I am flabbergasted!

Posted by RAD at 02:01 PM | Comments (3)
July 28, 2004
Saturn moon of Mimas

That's no moon. It's a SPACE STATION! *Insert Imperial March here*
Soon after orbital insertion, the Cassini spacecraft returned this best look yet
at the heavily cratered moon Mimas (398 kilometers, 247 miles across). The
enormous crater at the top of the image, named Herschel, is about 130 kilometers
(80 miles) wide and 10 kilometers (6 miles) deep.
Check out the stunning pictures being returned from the ringed planet Saturn
here.
Posted by RAD at 09:50 AM | Comments (2)
July 27, 2004
Chocolate rises

Chocolate rises by RAD
Chocolate_rises
Outta forces unseen
Chocolate rises

From obscurity
To divinity
Chocolate rises
Am Pierre Chocolat Chonge
Chocolate rises

Dare utter his name
Chocolate Chong
One and the same.
Ende
Posted by RAD at 05:58 PM | Comments (0)
Orbital Photography
Have you ever checked out NASA's Visible Earth Website? As you may or may not
know, I am a sucker for orbital photography. The images of Earth taken from
space are spectacular. Check out the website and find the city in which you
live. It’s fun!

Denver from orbit
MISSION of NASA's Visible Earth:
The purpose of NASA's Visible Earth is to provide a consistently updated,
central point of access to the superset of NASA's Earth science-related images,
animations, and data visualizations.
Other orbital photography websites include:
Digital Globe
Space Imaging

Downtown Denver by DigitalGlobe
Posted by RAD at 11:19 AM | Comments (0)
Countdown: 10 days
It’s creeping up on my 10-year high school reunion. Countdown: 10 days.
I did not enjoy my high school years all that much. I was a nerd in school and
picked on by my peers. I hated sports but played them anyway.
It wasn’t until my junior year that I considered myself “popular,” mainly
because I was involved in many school activities ranging from running for Senior
Class President to being on the newspaper staff to acting in the Theatre
Department to making hilarious school-wide after prom commercials with my sister
to be aired on the closed circuit televisions in each classroom.
Plus, my Droogs and I threw the coolest, liquor/drug-infested cast parties after
each play. Our parties were legendary. New Year’s of 1994 was a colossal
gathering. One of our shady buddies Justin (whom I portrayed in CON 2001 the
movie) was 30-something and purchased all of the liquor for the party. We had
cases and cases of beer and boxes of wine and hard liquor and weed and magic
mushrooms and Everclear and LSD … you know … everything a high school party
should have. Hundreds of people showed up. It was a stupor of a time. Ma Twardy
even catered the party and attended as a “chaperone.” I remember little smoky
sausage cocktail weenies being tossed around the living room during the revelry.

I didn’t know too many people in high school, although everyone knew Russ Dale.
I had a lot of acquaintances and a few good friends. I was voted class clown my
senior year and even was nominated for Prom King (but I lost … bitterly). I
think my high school freakishness appealed to many at Rangeview High School. It
was the early 1990s when punk was dead and alternative-esque personalities were
all the rage. I used to write fucked up poems and short stories that would gross
out the most steely of stomachs. I told people that I was allergic to wood
and/or water, only to get poked with dowel rods and hosed down just to see me
act violently ill. A true Thespian.
My twisted sense of humor has mellowed and refined itself with age. I kept in
contact with a few of my high school classmates throughout the years but am in
no rush to make the acquaintance of many of them. I know they have all grown up,
but I still hold grudges against some of them for the way they treated me in
school. I look forward to seeing them however, just out of curiosity. And I’ll
tell you this; my freak flag is going to be held on high. Oh yes. I guarantee.
Posted by RAD at 07:56 AM | Comments (2)
July 26, 2004
Sperm donor forced to pay child support
Sperm donor forced to pay child support. That’s completely and utterly fucked
up. Gentleman, please do not donate your sperm anymore. The receivers might make
you pay if they find out your identity. Hopefully she won’t have twins or
triplets. Whatever hope your sperm donation would give to someone has now been
blasted.
“It is the interest of the children we hold most dear,” says the judge.
Whatever. It’s the mother’s responsibility to take care of the child if she
received the sperm through donation. It’s not like there was passionate, life
altering, life changing, feeling, lusting love making involved in the
impregnation process. Mommie should have thought about raising children in a
single-parent home before she was impregnated. This poor guy has been paying
$1,520 a month! What a complete and total kick in the ass for this guy who was
probably doing the woman a favor.

Posted by RAD at 01:32 PM | Comments (0)
Cut back plans for ISS Alpha
…in sadder and filthier news, NASA has agreed to cut back plans for the
International Space Station Alpha. This sickens me.

ISS technical configuration
ISS Alpha needs to be crewed by more people for the best science to be done.
After the Columbia disaster, NASA has been forced to take, in my opinion, a
freakishly cautious stance with regards to safety. Space travel is dangerous.
The astronauts know this. It is a risky business and people sometimes die. I
know that the recommendations of the CAIB (Columbia Accident Investigation
Board) are good and action needs to be taken, but enough already. Let’s light
the frickin’ candle! It looks like that with GW Bush’s space initiative, the USA
is pawning off the space station into Russian hands. It’s a shame. The shuttle
will be needed to finish construction, if they don’t decide to alter the
construction plans. I am hot for the first shuttle mission to launch already!
You can follow NASA’s return to flight here.
Posted by RAD at 08:22 AM | Comments (0)
Star Wars Episode III Title
The Lucas mega-corp announced the title for the final Star Wars movie: Star Wars
Episode III: Revenge of the Sith.

I am pleased with this title. At least it isn’t what the rumors were. Star Wars
Episode III: The Creeping Fear would have been the stupidest title in the
history of film. That title conjures up images of Thing from The Adams Family
wielding a lightsaber and creeping/crawling all over the Jedi Council. The Lucas
has a lot to live up to in this final installment of the new trilogy. I have
high hopes. I don’t know if he can do it though. Perhaps he has ruined the Star
Wars saga for all old school fans. I remain optimistic. Darth Vader better kick
some serious ass in this movie. I want to see Vader strangle people, use force
lightning to destroy, kill and maim and brandish his red lightsaber to
decapitate and dismember all Jedi who cross his path. If the Lucas does not give
the audience a reason why the galaxy fears Darth Vader … all will be lost. Vader
will probably only be in the movie for 3 seconds at the end.
…and Vader better whoop-up on General Grievous, Episode III’s powerful new
four-armed villain. Who can be more villainous that Darth Vader?
I doubt it’ll live up to expectations because the film will probably be rated G.
Fuck the kids. I want a rated R picture. If it is rated G, Vader will probably
be as formidable as a tutu sporting Tiny Tim tiptoeing through the tulips with
his ukulele.

Tiny Tim
For those of you who have a desire to keep up with all things Star Wars, and do
not want get bent over and forced to pay for the premium content over at the
official Star Wars website, try www.theforce.net.
Posted by RAD at 07:54 AM | Comments (2)
July 25, 2004
Chong Relaxes

Chocolate Chong relaxes by the cool water
Posted by RAD at 10:10 AM | Comments (0)
July 24, 2004
Shaiee Lyn-Yamon, the healer
I get a lot of weird fan mail. I only post the bizarre ones. Send me a letter. I
enjoy getting them. --rad
--
Dear radhole:
I also live in Denver. I am a huge fan of this website. Whenever I visit, I am
filled with the laughter. My sides ache from delight. I would like to submit to
you some pictures of me tricked-out in my work gear. I am sort of a Shaman. My
Sage powers produce miracles. I am a healer by day and work as a diner busboy at
night. Russ, if you ever need any help, do not hesitate to contact me.

Please post the pictures on radhole. Your loyal readers deserve to look upon my
shape. These photos will mend whoever looks upon them. Thank you.
My form is what heals. I will begin healing now.
Genuinely,
Shaiee Lyn-Yamon, the healer
shajee_healer@largeform.biz
303-XXX-XX01

Shaiee heals

Shaiee heals more

Shaiee is the healer
Posted by RAD at 08:50 PM | Comments (4)
July 23, 2004
Rocket Man Lyrics
"And I think it’s gonna be a long long time
Till touch down brings me round again to find
I’m not the man they think I am at home
Oh no no no I’m a rocket man
Rocket man burning out his fuse up here alone"
-- Rocket Man, Music by Elton John, Lyrics by Bernie Taupin
Posted by RAD at 11:29 AM | Comments (0)
Comet Light 3
Here is another another excerpt from my short story about religious fanatics and
Comet Light. It’s a dark comedy tentatively titled Comet Light and is a tale of
a famous comedian who makes a comedy film about a wacky religious cult in Utah.
The film becomes a huge success and a real life cult believes him to be an evil
sinner smut master. They crusade to bring him down before they venture off on
their Comet Spaceship. The main character is comedian Todd Colter and his
manager Bo Weenis
Other excerpts here and here.
--
Dear Todd Colter:
We watch you Mr. Colter! You thought you could get away from us. You thought
wrong. We have been tracking your movements … your very steps in life … and we
found you hiding in your posh Beverly Hills home. We hope you like the present
we left on your doorstep.
Comet light Comet flight…our alien faith has gripped us in the past days and a
new mission has been made known … a task we have known all along …to stop you
and your filth from reaching the world. We will do it Mr. Colter. We will spit
bile from our minds and hearts into your life. We will spew forth our doctrine
to all whom listen and then the people will turn against you most horrifyingly.
When they align against you, and you are heaped upon the floor, wailing, broke,
clutching cracked DVD copies of your films, wishing for quick salvation, we will
hoot from our Comet Starship and rain fire upon you. Our mission is complete
when you burn in hell. While you be ablaze, we will be flying to the new home
world on wings of peace and harmony.
Our Comet Lord speaks ill of you and so we speak ghastly of you … just as it
always has been and always will be! That is the way of things. The way of our
religion. You have laughed and laughed at our Comet ways. You have spurned our
extraterrestrial devotion to flee the Earth and live carefree among the stars.
You have mocked us in film and we will turn the people against you so very, very
quickly! Our power in this world realm is vastly superior to yours.
Our tech-meisters will do whatever it takes to stop your newest website films
from reaching the masses. Our noble saboteurs will infiltrate your movies sets
and strike chaos. My body spasms bafflingly at your quirky and demented thoughts
and feelings. Why must you feed this trash to people?
Prepare Mr. Colter. Prepare.
Yours truly,
The Church of the Divine Comet
Posted by RAD at 10:32 AM | Comments (1)
Quickie
I hold at your neck the Gom Jabbar …
I’m back. I had an epiphany last night.
Plus I couldn’t leave all of my fans hanging. I am returned. The radhole cannot
leave, especially in these dark times of war and wont. More later.
Posted by RAD at 08:36 AM | Comments (1)
July 22, 2004
So Long
The lights are going off. Elvis has left the building. The man behind the mask
is looking for the book with the pages torn out. He is under the fan now.
I am taking a radhole-icious, much needed Ilog writing break. I need to focus on
my other projects. I am in the midst of severe writers block. I need help. Help
me! HELP ME!!!! Something has got to spark my creativity and the tripe contained
within these radholie pages just ain’t cutting it.
Adieu. Thanks for reading everyone. You’ve all been great. I’ll be here all
week. I shall return. I shall indeed return. Did I tell you I will return? I
will ... ... ... return.

Happy Birthday dad.
Love, Russ
If you want to get a hold of me, I’ll be the hermit in the back.

Posted by RAD at 12:41 PM | Comments (0)
Grabthar's hammer
“By Grabthar's hammer, by the sons of Worvan, you shall be avenged!”
I have joined the Alexander Dane fanlisting called By Grabthar's Hammer! Why?
Because Dr. Lazarus rules.
Russ uses the Mak’tar stealth haze for a quick get away.
Posted by RAD at 11:07 AM | Comments (0)
COFFEE WHORE

Drinking coffee is one of the greatest pleasures in my life. I have been
frequenting a cozy coffeehouse in uptown Denver called St. Mark’s at 2019 East
17th Avenue (17th and Vine). I cannot get enough of the deep black joe. That
almost sounds filthy, as though I want and desire deep black joe to enter me.
That’s not the case. I am just talking about coffee you pervs.

Posted by RAD at 10:50 AM | Comments (0)
July 20, 2004
lunar laser ranging retroreflector array
A nice piece about the lunar laser ranging retroreflector array, still operating
on the moon since Apollo 11 in July 1969.
Posted by RAD at 05:12 PM | Comments (0)
CHONG SMACKS MOON HOAX BELIEVER
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
radhole headquarters: Denver, Colorado
July 20, 2004
RELEASE: 12-0332-3939
CHONG SMACKS MOON HOAX BELIEVER
DENVER, CO -- July 20, 2004 marks the 35th Anniversary of the Apollo 11 moon
landing. To celebrate this, Chocolate Chong, space buff and squalor survivor,
headed to the 16th Street Mall in downtown Denver sporting his NASA cap and
clutching a lunar module model. Standing on the corner of 16th and Arapahoe and
praising, a moon hoax believer accosted Chong, who occasionally teaches young
children about the space program with special emphasis on the moon landings.
“It stung! It felt as though hot diarrhea was flung in my face. I took a cue
from 74-year-old Buzz Aldrin, who socked moon hoaxer Bart Sibrel in the face 2
years ago, and I bitch slapped the fucker quicker than you can say ‘we’re go
Flight!’” said Chong after being mocked by the moon hoaxer.
The hoaxer, known only as Goob McMoon Fake, said, “Chong was irritating me with
his moon bull shit. I had to knock him and his big hair down a notch.
Unfortunately, it was me that ended up looking like a fool when I cried like a
baby after being punched in the gob.”
Chong did not press charges stating simply, “Goob deserved to be clocked in the
face for mocking my boys Armstrong, Aldrin and Collins.”
Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin and Mike Collins made the historic journey to the
moon in 1969. Many conspiracy theorists believe that it was faked. This author
does not believe that tripe. The evidence speaks for itself.
“Anyone who believes that the Apollo achievements from 1968-1972 were staged is
a damn fool,” Chong concluded before going to Sam’s No. 3™ for lunch, “Anyone
will tell you that.”
###
Posted by RAD at 11:14 AM
Rangeview High School Class of 1994 Ten Year Reunion
My ten-year high school reunion is coming up. Has it been ten years already?
Nothing says F U N like the Rangeview High School Class of 1994 Ten Year
Reunion.
I have mixed feelings about attending. I would like to see all of my old peers,
but the people I really care to see I still keep in contact with. I will be
bringing my camera so I will capture many images of people you may or may not
know.
A breakdown of events:
Friday – August 6, 2004 is the Mixer at the Theatre Cafe at the DCPA on 1335
Curtis in Denver, Colorado. Be there at 7:30pm for munchies & cash bar. It's
casual attire so my toga should be a great hit.
The Theatre Cafe is a fashionable restaurant that serves a tantalizing lunch and
dinner. Theatre Cafe is a restaurant acknowledging the needs of individuals and
corporations. They are committed to providing the best cuisine and cocktails.
Their menu includes Ahi Tuna, Smoked Salmon, Roasted Prime Rib, Buffalo Rib Eve
Steak, Tiramisu and many more.
Saturday -- August 7, 2004 is the Dinner & Dance at the Wyndham Garden Hotel,
7675 E Union Ave, Denver, Colorado. 6:30pm - Reception; Cash Bar, Class
Photograph, 7:30pm - Buffet & Dancing. Cocktail Attire.
Dance that monkey jig. Spat that monkey gab.
Posted by RAD at 09:24 AM | Comments (8)
Space Station, Venus, Sun
The Astronomy Picture of the Day today is awesome. On June 8, 2004, Venus
crossed the sun. This picture is of Venus and the International Space Station
Alpha crossing the sun. Click on the picture to bring up a bigger version.

Credit & Copyright: Tomas Maruska (SAAD)
Posted by RAD at 07:23 AM | Comments (0)
July 19, 2004
Apollo 11 -- 35 years!
Do you know what tomorrow is? It’s been 35 years since Apollo 11, when man first
walked on the moon. On July 20th 1969 at 4:18 PM, EDT the Lunar Module "Eagle"
landed in a region of the Moon called Mare Tranquillitatis, also known as the
Sea of Tranquility. Men on the moon. Men on the fucking moon!

Posted by RAD at 09:57 AM
Floating
Floating by RAD 07-19-04
I find myself floating through existence
Without a purpose it seems
Without a purpose ‘cept living
It seems
For me
I’ve got goals and dreams
For happiness and life
I’ve got plans and more plans
Abundantly rife!
And each day I wake
I float it alone.
Closer to dreams
But far indeed
Closer to goals
Can’t let them mislead
My friends and family
They tolerate me
I broadcast my dreams on up my marquee
floating through existence
without a purpose it seems
What is my purpose?
it seems
for me
Das Ende
Posted by RAD at 09:51 AM | Comments (1)
July 18, 2004
normsquatch injured
normsquatch fractured his left wrist in two places after taking a spill on his
mountain bike. He also got some stitches on his shoulder. After hearing the tale
he weaved in a Vicodin haze, luckily he wasn’t hurt more. Yo squatch, gimmie
five! With your left hand foo!

squatch pics up his drugs
They sell microwaveable pork rinds now. Now you can have them hot out of the
oven in your own home. Yuck.

Bacon Snaps™
“Honey, please pick me up a box or two of hot ‘n spicy Bacon Snaps™ while you
are at the grocery. Mmmmm … rind-y. Thanks babe, you’re the greatest.”
Posted by RAD at 10:20 AM | Comments (3)
July 16, 2004
The Swedish Chef Scares Me
Am I the only one who is terrified of the Muppet Swedish Chef? Are not Muppets
supposed to bring joy and morals … not images of brutal murder and cooking? The
Swedish Chef’s freakish image floats up to me in my dreams. Whenever I saw him
as a child, his real hands alarmed me. I think that it’s the real hands that
really turn me off to this creature. Just writing this entry unsettles me.
Did you see that Muppet back there!? He had real hands! Those are real man hands
on a Muppet!
Those real hands are capable of strangling you. Those real hands wield butcher
knives and meat cleavers and knives and stabbing weapons. Those real hands can
suffocate you or poke out your eyes. Those real hands can pat you on the back
and then behead you or yank at your hair. Those real hands are in desperate need
of a manicure.
The Swedish Chef doesn’t speak English, so he could tell you to your face that
he is going to kill you and you just would laugh it off. It’s just a cute,
mustached, cloth Muppett … with unnatural human hands!!! You would be snickering
at his jovial movements until he bum rushes you, reaching towards your throat,
pawing at your face, trying to cut off all oxygen to your brain by applying
pressure to your esophagus. I am sure he has superhuman strength. Any creature
with real hands and no eyes cannot be trusted.

I can hear the hateful words of the Swedish Chef now, “I em gueeng tu keell yuoo
Rooss su yuoo better vetch yuoor beck! My reel hunds ere-a here-a tu strungle-a
yuoo!”
There are actually Swedish Chef fan websites
It says on there, “And if you think he isn't funny … You don't have any humor!”
No. I value my life and do not wish to be prematurely killed by a rampaging
Muppet with real hands!!!!!
Ugh. I’m scarred for life.

Posted by RAD at 09:49 AM | Comments (1)
July 15, 2004
The Radhole Mug of the Unknown Redux
The Radhole Mug of the Unknown arrived today. It's beautiful.

Thanks Allison. A wonderful prize.

Posted by RAD at 04:39 PM | Comments (0)
Bull & Bush Pub & Brewery
Friends and I gathered with my sister yesternight at the Bull & Bush Pub &
Brewery.

The Droogs like going to the Bull & Bush. Our numbers are so vast that we end up
taking over huge sections of the brewery. It was a good time and it was a late
night. I'm sure Jenny enjoyed the company of all who attended.
On September 21, 2001 we all went to the Bull & Bush. I remember America: A
Tribute to Heroes was on television.
I also inscribed RADHOLE onto the chalkboard above the urinal and snapped a
picture worthy of any art exhibit.

The Bull & Bush Pub and Brewery is located at:
4700 Cherry Creek Dr. South
Denver, CO 80246
Phone: 303.759.0333
Posted by RAD at 11:47 AM | Comments (0)
MAN HORRIFIED BY BLOW-UP DATE

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
radhole headquarters: Denver, Colorado
July 15, 2004
RELEASE: 17-0952-3430
MAN HORRIFIED BY BLOW-UP DOLL DATE
Russ Dale, writer of the RADHOLE blog, was shocked to find out that the blind
date his friends set him up with was a blow-up doll. Unknowing of his
circumstances at first, the ensuing events of the date made it frightfully clear
that something was disturbingly wrong.
Thinking back on the hilarious practical joke, Dale laughingly said, “I did find
it odd that she enjoyed to hang around naked and her lack of areolas. I just
thought she was the quiet type.”
Dale prepared a grand meal for his date and when the doorbell rang she was
standing quietly on the front porch. “He should have known,” said MELT, the one
who set up the elaborate scheme, “For someone who claims to be a genius the
signs were in-his-face obvious. I cannot believe we got him so easily.”
“I was remaining hopeful,” Dale said in his defense, “I’m not one to
discriminate, especially when it comes to the ladies.”
Ultimately it was the snickering of his friends behind the mirror that gave away
the joke. “I was getting ready to serve dinner when I heard a cackling laughter
behind the two-way mirror. I opened the side hatch and saw MELT and normsquatch
hunkered down with digital camera and listening equipment,” explained Dale,
“It’s fucked up because I recited to her my best poetry, my favorite memorized
Shakespeare monologues and did a cute little dance. I baked for her and this is
the reward I receive!? My heart has been broken like a toy.”
Normsquatch added, “I haven’t laughed so hard in a long, long time. When he
kicked the doll in the belly and was cursing and ranting … tongs in hand …
that’s what practical jokes are all about.”

Enraged by the entire episode, which was captured on digital video by his
friends, Russ brutally destroyed the doll, finalizing the “murder” by stuffing
sharp grilling tongs up her non-existent anus and pouncing on her punctured,
slowly shrinking body. “I should have known that something was up when she
refused to eat dinner. It was 100 degrees outside and I was slaving over a BBQ
grill! I even made bread pudding for desert. Patooey! I spat on her deflated
carcass!”
When the episode was all said and done, Dale shrugged his shoulders and replied,
“My friends got me. I am planning my revenge this very instant.”

###

Posted by RAD at 07:47 AM | Comments (3)
July 14, 2004
DALE SPEAKS MUCH ABOUT FOOD IN BLOG
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
radhole headquarters: Denver, Colorado
July 14, 2004
RELEASE: 13-0010-3331
DALE SPEAKS MUCH ABOUT FOOD IN BLOG
People often search the internet for various forms of entertainment and
enlightenment. That is the case for Denver resident Bo Weenis, who clicks his
mouse and reads RADHOLE, the critically acclaimed weblog, every day. RADHOLE is
the blog of Denverite Russ Dale.
“Damn him,” Weenis stated, “Whenever I click on his link, I am, more often than
naught, assaulted by delicious descriptions of foodie stuffs that make my mouth
water. My superiors have reprimanded me for having spots of drool on my shirts!
This needs to stop! I cannot control my salivary glands. I like good eating and
Russ makes it sound so blasted superior!”

Another concerned reader, who wished to remain anonymous, said, “Russ’
fascination with Rocky Mountain Oysters makes me cringe. Why must he go into
obsessive detail over his bull nut eating rituals?”
When questioned about this issue, Dale graciously replied, “I admit I speak a
lot about food in my Ilog. Food related informations be goodly and funny to
write about. Especially when spilling down your front. We all eat, unless you
are a freak of nature and if that is the case BE GONE from my sight!”
Serena Blythe, a concerned parent, also had qualms about Dale’s Rocky Mountain
Oyster writings, “I had my daughter search the internet for information about
The Passion of the Christ and she stumbled upon his review. I was shocked and
appalled by his filthy language!”
Blythe was referring to this quotation from Dale’s review: “Pondering the fate
of Jesus didn’t make me enjoy my fried feast any better, but if you’ve never
tried Rocky Mountain Oysters, aka calf fries, bull testicles, prairie oysters,
Montana tendergroins, cowboy caviar or swinging beef, you are really missing out
on a delicacy.”

Dale bites a nut during his review for The Passion of the Christ
Blythe continued to ramble, “I had to explain to my daughter that some people
enjoyed eating fried bull testies and that while our family does not approve,
Jesus loves those people too.”
Dale said, “I cannot help it if Google brings people to my website looking for
one thing and they find something completely different. Do you think I make it a
point to broadcast that when people search for “squat diarrhea toilet,” my
website pops up?! I don’t think so.”
Dale finished the interview by saying, “I’m not scared to proclaim my beef patty
desires. If you want to be let in on all things wacky and so on and so forth,
come on down to the radhole.”
###
Posted by RAD at 10:56 AM | Comments (1)
U2 Lyrics 1
“Who's to say where the wind will take you?
Who's to say what it is will break you?
I don't know which way the wind will blow
Who's to know when the time has come around?
Don't wanna see you cry
I know that this is not goodbye” Kite by U2
Posted by RAD at 10:13 AM | Comments (0)
July 13, 2004
Jon Halinkowski

My sister’s boyfriend was Jon. I had been friends with Jon in high school. We
lost touch over the years and earlier this year we got back in touch and got
together for beers and darts. My sis and Jon hit it off real well. I had never
seen my sister happier. They dated. Jon met the grandparents.
Jon had been in the military. Jon was a member of the original Droogs and an
active participator as Grayfox on our BBS Vision øf Anarchy (2400 baud/24 hours
a day/7 days a week/365 days a year!!! Bring your food raw; we will cook it for
you. November 8, 1990). The first time I ever got drunk was with MELT and Jon.
We were 16 and Jon fell down the stairs and cut his chin really bad. MELT used
his Boy Scout skills and patched up his chin pretty good. Jon’s parents were
pissed. Jon, my younger brother and I ate lunch almost everyday my senior year.
Jon made me a massive, two handled coffee mug.

Jon, Brian, Kevin, MELT, me in 1993
I had my gripes with Jon. I felt that he talked down to me and treated me with
disrespect; similar to the way he was in high school. Before he left town, I had
the chance to talk to him about it. I told him that things seemed to be going
well with he and my sister and we needed to clear things up. It was a good
conversation and in my eyes we set things straight.
In May, Jon got in trouble with the law and decided to flee Colorado. Despite
pleas from my sister and his friends to turn himself in, Jon decided to leave.
The thought of prison was not an option for him nor was living the kind of life
after prison. He packed up his belongings and left town within days, leaving my
sister dumbfounded and distraught with vague plans to rendezvous again someday.
I have a feeling that if my sister had the funds, she would have went with him.
They corresponded through chat and emails and at the end of June, Jon was filled
with despair about his life and found himself alone and without hope. He had
made his way to Canada and then to Australia. I can only imaging the feelings of
helplessness and aloneness he felt. He had been having nightmares and not
leading a happy life.
He stated to my sister that he was going to kill himself, despite all of the
support he received from people back home. He knew the pain and grief that would
be left behind. He apologized to her and said it was for selfish reasons. She
made frantic calls to my mother, not knowing what to do or say in such
circumstances. She and Jon talked via email or instant messaging every Friday.
She pleaded with Jon over emails, not knowing if her messages were being
received. I could only imaging the hopeless feeling she had.
After not hearing from him for two Friday’s, ten days had passed. Word came
yesterday that the authorities in Australia had gotten in touch with Jon’s
parents in Tennessee. The authorities relayed the news that they had found his
body. Jon had committed suicide.
My sister is devastated. I have never seen her filled with such sadness. Lots of
tears were spilt yesterday and many more to come as this story unfolds. Details
are sketchy at this time because the American Consulate in Australia only
releases information to family members, but supposedly his ashes will be sent
back and there will be a memorial service.
Why did he feel that he had no hope? Why did he have to do this to his friends
and family? Why did he do this to my sister? There is always hope when facing
life. Death should not be an option. It’s a tragedy. I’ve been doing my share of
praying lately.

Jen -- I'm so sorry. I love you.
Jon -- you will be deeply missed.
*UPDATE*
Information can be found here for Jon Halinkowski's Funeral Reception.
Date: Tuesday, August 10th
Time: 6:30 pm
Place: 2659 S. Newcombe St.
Lakewood, CO 80227
Posted by RAD at 09:03 AM | Comments (14)
July 11, 2004
Hand Me Downs

Posted by RAD at 10:01 PM | Comments (6)
July 10, 2004
tiny cone

Posted by RAD at 06:07 PM | Comments (0)
Spiderman 2 Review
In my opinion, the first summer 2004 blockbuster has arrived. I have seen
Spiderman-2 (2004) in theatres 3 times. It is a rarity that I see a motion
picture that many times in the theatre. In fact, I think the last instance I did
such a thing was when I saw 1989’s Back to the Future part 2.
This movie is excellent. It has all of the good things a movie is supposed to
have. My review is as follows.

As customary, I headed get hot wings and Rocky Mountain Oysters after seeing it
the first time, so I could really digest the film. As the wing sauce covered my
face and hands, burning my lips, the impact of the movie started to take affect.
The “burn the seams off of a baseball hot” hot wings coupled with my
recollection of the film made me start to sweat. And sweat joy for Spidey 2 did
I.
The movie had story. To avoid any spoilers, I will comment judiciously. While
the film was chalked full of too many “B-Movie” moments of camera staring, hands
flailing terror screams, the mixture of comedy, action, drama and overall
narrative is what makes this picture great.
Peter Parker (Tobey Maguire) wrestles with himself in this movie. He grapples
with the fact that he is Spiderman, his super powers have been acting up, he
loves Mary Jane Watson (Kirsten Dunst) and doesn’t want her to get hurt, he’s
behind on his college school work, his aunt is going through financial woes
while he himself is penniless living in a dump owned by a rodent-eyed Russian
immigrant with a cake-baking, Peter Parker liking and obscenely thin daughter.
Maguire had a tall order to fill with this role. Peter Parker gets shit on
multiple ways. Nothing seems to go right with his life.

Along with the great story are some spectacular actions sequences of Spidey web
slinging through New York and a train sequence fight that is downright
breathtaking.
Alfred Molina as Otto “Doc Ock” Octavious was the perfect villain with freakish
mechanical arms grafted to his body. His character was human and at heart a good
guy. James Franco as Parker’s best irritating friend Harry Osborn reminded me of
the whiney Hayden “Anakin Skywalker” Christensen. I could do without Franco’s
character altogether. His very presence made me shudder with pain.
One highlight of the picture was the scene-stealing J.K. Simmons as Daily Bugle
editor J. Jonah Jameson. Mr. Jameson invigorated the screen with witty dialogue
and comic relief. It was a delight to see the charisma he exhibited on the
screen. He is a classic editor in the film genre. Did you know that J.K. Simmons
is the voice of the yellow M&M on the television commercials?
Bruce Campbell of Evil Dead and Bubba Ho-tep fame made a surprising cameo as the
Snooty Usher. Campbell was also in the first Spiderman as the Wrestling Ring
Announcer.
I loved Spiderman 2. It was hundreds of times better than the first movie. I saw
it again. And again. If you like a combination of action, drama, comedy and
slight horror, see it on the big screen today. And when they retool it for Imax,
see it there as well.
Oh and Catwoman looks thoroughly stupid so if you see it I will never speak to
you again.
Posted by RAD at 09:32 AM | Comments (4)
July 09, 2004
give 'em your glory glory
Bask in the glory of my old campaign buttons. Look at them. LOOK AT THEM!!!!!

RAD 2020
Posted by RAD at 11:33 AM | Comments (4)
Falling Questions
Falling Questions by RAD 07-09-04
Before dawn
into the starry sky I gaze.
Each twinkling star
shows the past.
And brings me hope
of what is to come
and explains to me what has come before.
In the heavens I witness a shooting star.
Sliently streaming,
quietly gleaming.
Fiercely elegant.
That star is you.
What should I do?
Can it be true?
Baby it’s you.
I do not recognize her.
A figment of my imagination perhaps?
Someone I have never met?
Someone I have known before?
Someone.
As the mighty sun peeks from the east
and illuminates the sky
I am reminded of that shooting star
and wonder
what should I do?
Das Ende
Posted by RAD at 10:45 AM | Comments (0)
Mars Rovers Still Live
Have you forgotten about the Mars Rovers Spirit and Opportunity? They’ve been
scurrying around Mars since January and are still performing above and beyond
their mission. Check out the galleries of mission images. Beautiful and
spectacular stuff!

Opportunity Perched on the Edge of 'Endurance Crater'

Posted by RAD at 09:12 AM | Comments (1)
July 08, 2004
DVD Rentals in McDonald's
The end of the world is neigh. They now have DVD rentals inside McDonald's! It’s
only here in Denver and it’s experimental! Am I the only one that finds this
utterly repulsive and freakish?

I love Mickey D’s and the Americana it stands for, but this is wrong. I had to
see for myself. I looked over the abnormally large kiosk right after I had my
bacon, egg and cheese biscuit breakfast value meal and noticed all of the titles
are full screen format. I cackled in horror and had the urge to destroy the
large machine. Easy as 1-2-3 my hole. DAMN THOSE BLACK BARS ON THE TOP AND
BOTTOM OF THE SCREEN! LONG-LIVE PAN-AND-SCAN!
I don't rent movies.
“Honey, I’ll be back in a few minutes. I’m going to make a run up to McDonald's
to rent the full-screen version of Return of the King. Do you want a Big Mac or
anything while I am there? How about a 20 piece McNugget? Yes I’ll also get a
full-screen version of Finding Nemo for the kids and maybe a HappyMeal for them
to share. I also have a craving for a vanilla milkshake. Have you seen the
Spanish dictionary!!!!!?"
What’s next? Hottie girls talking dirty to me on the phone while eating greasy
fries? Oh how I can dream…

Posted by RAD at 10:36 AM | Comments (10)
100 Things about Russ Dale
1. I hate doing these sort of time consuming writing exercises.
2. I have a twin sister.
3. I am a Colorado native.
4. I’ve dabbled in stand-up comedy, improv and other comic related gigs. I am
currently writing new and updated material that will make you pee your pants due
to laughter.
5. I’m a Scorpio (DOB 11-18-1975)
6. I was born in Pueblo, Colorado.
7. My favorite movie of all time is Back to the Future.
8. I am an amateur rocket scientist and enjoy all things space, mysteries of the
universe, Mars, Moon and am a massive NASA, ESA and Russian Space Agency
supporter as well as private companies like Scaled Composites and SpaceShipOne.
9. I am a film snob … er … buff. I’ve been watching a lot of foreign films and
classics lately. I am a harsh critic when it comes to film and the process of
making them.
10. I do not watch television. The only TV that I do watch is the occasional
History or Discovery Channel program and NASA TV and of course DVD movies and
television shows without commercials and censorship provided by the networks and
the evil FCC.
11. My favorite television shows in the past include Police Squad, Night Court,
Seinfeld, The Simpsons, Quantum Leap, Dune, Twin Peaks, MST3k and all things
Trek.
12. My favorite bands are U2 and Tenacious D.
13. I would give Bono (lead singer of U2) a blowjob if he gave me backstage
passes to a U2 concert.
14. I have been known to take language use over the normal decency level by 10
or even 20 notches.
15. Nothing shocks me.
16. I have a twisted sense of humor.
17. I’m sometimes brutally honest.
18. I’ve started going to church.
19. I live in a suburb of Denver called Aurora although I consider Denver my
home because it is, after all, the metro area.
20. I like taking pictures. I am a proclaimed digi whore.
21. For about 4 years, I actively ran for President of the United Stated of
America for the year 2020.
22. My initials are RAD (Russell Alan Dale)
23. RAD2020 was my campaign shtick. One of my websites is www.rad2020.com
24. I had 5 different campaign buttons that have since become collector’s items.
25. I enjoy my private time.
26. I am a writer.
27. From blogs to short stories to websites to 3 novels to screenplays to
sitcoms to comedy bits – I am constantly writing.
28. I am writing a fictional autobiography of my life. (With some bits of truth)
29. My father died when I was 8 years old. My mother never remarried and raised
4 kids single-handedly.
30. My older brother lives in Iowa his with wife and my niece.
31. My younger brother lives in Calgary Alberta Canada with his wife and family.
32. I am single but in constant search for what I affectionately call “My
Jackie.”
33. I am very particular with whom I “grace my presence with.”
34. Which means I am picky when it comes to my friends.
35. I am a genius (I also have a semi-large ego!) lol
36. I used to collect Spiderman, Superman, The Hulk and Wolverine comic books.
37. Only a man whose heart is pure can wield the knife. Mine is such a heart and
I shall have it.
38. I like time travel.
39. I have never broken a bone.
40. I have never been in the hospital as a patient.
41. I fancy myself a singer but never sing in public or in front of family and
friends.
42. I am a spectacular chef.
43. And also a grill mastah.
44. I prefer charcoal grills.
45. My alter ego is named Chocolate Chong.
46. I have been in many plays and short films as an actor, producer and/or
writer capacity.
47. My first lead role was Oscar in The Odd Couple.
48. The group of friends I hang with call themselves the Droogs. There are 17
Droogs and I have known most of them for 13 years + (It makes for fun times at
bars and restaurants or during holiday celebrations)
49. Biscuits and Gravy is my favorite breakfast meal.
50. I constantly search for the best biscuits and gravy all over America.
51. I like dancing.
52. I used to be a radio station mascot named Quimby (festering fellow in big
blue furry suit).
53. I’ve fallen UP stairs before.
54. We were a poor family growing up.
55. I have traced both sides of my family tree. The furthest I’ve gone back is
1100s in England. It’s hard work and increases exponentially.
56. My favorite number is 0001.
57. I support National Public Radio (mainly Colorado Public Radio)
58. I love dressing up and going to the symphony.
59. I like to smoke a good cigar.
60. I have hundreds of DVD movies.
61. I graduated from college with a BA in English/Journalism and a minor in
Theatre.
62. I have tried online personals and realized they are useless.
63. Although I rarely drink, I am a Guinness, Jagermeister and wine drinker.
64. In 1986, when in 5th grade, I wrote my first story. It was called “The Ten
Million Dollar Adventure.”
65. I once had an evil relationship with a beautiful married woman.
66. Media Whore = Me. I crave information of all kind.
67. Road trips are a passion of mine.
68. I like jazz, blues, soul, bluegrass, Tuvan Throat Chants and Zydeco music.
69. I am fascinated with the 1940’s.
70. My favorite car is a DeLorean.
71. I have been spelunking.
72. I know a lot of useless facts and tidbits.
73. Technology and I are best friends.
74. I speak German.
75. I wear a YES watch and a ring.
76. Orbital photography pictures are my favorite.
77. Pop culture makes me laugh.
78. I like Hot Apple Pie.
79. I have several Shakespeare monologues committed to memory.
80. I have never been arrested nor received a moving violation.
81. I like cats and can tolerate dogs.
82. A dream of mine is to address a crowd wearing a toga and to crush a large
lizard to death on a silver platter as a sign of my power.
83. I doubt I would ever have the courage to fulfill that dream.
84. I used to be a Top Secret Janitor.
85. I like homeless people.
86. I’ve slept next to a dumpster.
87. The concert feature Fantasia is my favorite Disney film.
88. I’m on the road to becoming a Denver historian.
89. I’ve carried a Ronald Reagan silver coin as my lucky charm for years.
90. I want to learn how to play steel drums.
91. I’m a garlic and cilantro lover.
92. My family has a traditional Mexican Easter fiesta feast every year.
93. I feel naked without my cellular phone (Nokia 3650).
94. Chili con queso, chicken fettuccini and biscuits and gravy are my culinary
specialties.
95. I hate riding horses and/or mules.
96. The Denver Broncos are my favorite sports team.
97. Rocky Mountain Oysters are some good eating.
98. I accidentally drank bleach water once.
99. I worked fast food throughout high school and summers during college.
100. I think I’ve shit myself because it took me so long to write this.

Posted by RAD at 09:05 AM | Comments (7)
Firing Line
MELT and I went to the Firing Line yesterday.

Posted by RAD at 08:15 AM | Comments (0)
July 07, 2004
Comedy Gold
I foresee comedians and their minds in action now…

Curmudgeony old man poses for a picture with his wily son
"MOMMIE! Dad has been beating me again!" says tiny Johnny.
"Shut up son and smile at the camera!" replies daddy John with a swift slap to
Johnny's face.
"Aieee!" squeals wee Johnny.
Posted by RAD at 12:03 PM | Comments (0)
Porkins: A Tribute

I am starting my own Porkins Cult similar to ones that are already online.
Unlike these well-done and humorous web pages, my Porkins Cult will not make fun
of this husky rebel pilot who died so gallantly fighting Empire scum. This is a
place of worship for Porkins. I thought I was the only one who admired Porkins.
I was wrong.
Who is Porkins? It’s Red Six yo. You know … Red Six, Jek Porkins, the first
rebel to die during the Battle of Yavin in Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope
(1977). My own flesh I don’t know bettah! His appearance lasted only a fraction
of a second, but his sacrifice for the Rebels versus the DeathStar was noble.

"No I'm alright, I'm alrightaaarrrggghhh..."
Porkins, refusing the request of his wingman to pull up, hurtled his X-wing into
the surface of the DeathStar in an impressive explosion of quick death and life
forfeit. Porkins will never be forgotten.

William Hootkins is the actor who played Porkins. Other notable roles played by
Hootkins are the peeping tom neighbor Lincoln Wineberg Jr. in 1990’s Hardware! I
saw Hardware in the theatres. I snuck in with some friends of mine when I was
15. Hootkins’ performance as the rasping, filthy, lip licking, telescope woman
peering, sexual deviant haunted me. Good work Mr. Hootkins! Hootkins also played
Lt. Max Eckhardt in Batman (1989) and Harry Howler in Superman IV: The Quest for
Peace (1987).

Posted by RAD at 08:50 AM | Comments (10)
July 06, 2004
Look J-Hole! The Mile High City
Denver is know as the Mile High City. It's elevation is 5280 feet. 5280 feet = 1
mile. Neat huh? Does your city have a nickname?
My nickame is "Sinjin Smyth." In fact, from now on, please refer to me only as
Sinjin Smyth. www.smythhole.com has a wacky ring to it.
READ ON FOR THE J-HOLE THEOREM
Anything with "hole" at the end of it sounds funny to me.
The J-Hole Theorem by RAD
While in Boulder Colorado, I happened upon a group of swarthy, sweaty, no-necked
and drunken Frat boys. They ushered me into their dank quarters and proceeded to
teach me the J-Hole Theorem while drinking cheap tequila and eating toaster
treats. The air was filled with shoddy incense and a reek odor of rotting socks.

I have since adopted this philosophy as my own.

This freakishly simple, yet highly addictive “game” will catch on and be more
popular than Pokemon, perhaps more popular than Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon. This
disturbing “game” requires many deep and outrageous thoughts.

A J-Hole, put simply, is anything and nothing. It is a flavoring word. A J-Hole
can be a noun, verb, adverb or adjective. It has no meaning except for the
context in which it is used.
Some fun examples include: “You’re such a nice J-Hole,” or “I had a J-Hole for
breakfast.”
When angry, “You’re a J-Hole!” works nice. I particularly like “Out of my face
J-Hole!”
In song, the possibilities are endless, “If I Had A Million J-Holes,” “Get out
of my dreams, get into my J-Hole,” “Put your J-Hole a little closer to the
phone,” “Ha-Cuna-Ma-J-Hole,” “Ooh-ee-ooh-ah-ah-ching-chang-walla-walla-J-Hole,”
or “I fell into a burning ring of J-Hole.”
Great movies include: “Back to the J-Hole,” “There’s Something About J-Hole,”
“Raiders of the Lost J-Hole,” “Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom J-Hole,” “Top
J-Hole,” “Debbie Does J-Hole,” “Fear and Loathing in Las J-Hole,” and finally,
“Star Trek II: The Wrath of J-Hole.”
“Hey can I bum a J-Hole?” “It’s raining like cats and J-Holes.” “My J-Hole is
stuck!” "Fo Shizhole J-Hole!"
We have grilled J-Hole, sesame J-Hole, a J-Hole with cheese, a J-Hole sundae or
even a J-Hole sandwich. J-Hole in the morning. J-Hole in the afternoon. J-Hole
at suppertime. J-Hole for snake.
In dating situations: “What’s your J-Hole?” or “Would you like to go with me to
a J-Hole?” How about “We do it J-Hole style!” or “We’ll date exclusively because
you’re my J-Hole now.”
The J-Hole Theorem spices up any conversation because subtle additions to the
English language are an intimate way of having loads of fun. So forget phat,
dope, shizzle, word or jiggy…it’s all about J-Hole now.
Take out a scrap piece of paper and jot down some of your ideas. Use your ideas
in conversation. Soon YOU can be a master of all things J-Hole. Go ahead, get
J-Hole at radhole.
Enjoy and remember: Every time a bell rings, a J-Hole gets his wings!

Posted by RAD at 10:48 PM | Comments (2)
Don't Drive Drunk Assface
Last night, as I was reading My Life, President Clinton's book, a suspected
drunk driver ran his vehicle into an electric transformer near my house at
Buckley and Iliff in Aurora. It knocked out power to about 2,500 people.
The lights went out and a few minutes later the sound of emergency vehicles
filled the air. This was my cue to grab my camera and head with MELT to the
scene. It was a spectacular wreck. Here are some pictures:

I submitted several of the pictures to the 9 News Digital Network. Of course,
they published them on their website. This is the second time my pictures have
been on the Digital Network. Look for the pics submitted by rad2020 on Tuesday,
July 06, 2004. My previous Digital Network Pictures were posted on March 20,
2004 of war protesters marching down the 16th Street Mall in downtown Denver.
Posted by RAD at 11:18 AM | Comments (1)
I am Go for Lunch

"You got them Steak-Ums, telmu?"
"I think I have them."
"I need an answer. How are you looking? All your systems go?"
"That's affirm, flight."
"Guidance, you happy?"
"Go, flight."
"Fido, how about you?"
"We're a little low on hoagie rolls, but no problem."
"Rog, eecom?"
"Go, flight."
"Gnc?"
"Go."
"Surgeon?"
"We're go."
"Grandma?"
"GO!"
"We are go for lunch."

Posted by RAD at 10:38 AM | Comments (0)
July 05, 2004
Denver Millennium Bridge

Posted by RAD at 10:13 AM | Comments (0)
Holiday Weekend -- July '04
It’s been a busy and fun-filled weekend. Spiderman 2 (review to follow), picture
taking, fireworks watching, Denver basking, SCUM going, BBQ grubbing, hot wing
feasting, Bill Clinton book reading and I get Monday day off! I need to do
laundry but I want to take more pictures and perhaps catch Spidey again.
Did you have a good holiday weekend?

July 4th Weekend '04

July 4th Weekend '04
Posted by RAD at 09:48 AM | Comments (5)
July 02, 2004
AMAZON WISHLIST!
PAGH! I finally broke down and filled out one of those Amazon.com Wishlists.
View mine HERE!
Posted by RAD at 12:34 PM | Comments (2)
U2 -- The Greatest Band on Earth
For those of you who know me, you know that U2 is my favorite band. My favorite
U2 songs are “If God Will Send His Angels,” “Out of Control,” “In a Little
While,” and “Ultra Violet.” But every U2 song is good so it’s hard to pick a
favorite.

U2: The Edge, Bono, Larry and Adam
I’ve seen U2 live 4 times. They are, in my opinion, the greatest band on earth.

Zoo TV Outside Broadcast
October 21, 1992
Venue: Mile High Stadium, Denver, Colorado
Opening Act(s): The Sugarcubes, Public Enemy

Pop Mart
May 1, 1997
Venue: Mile High Stadium, Denver, Colorado
Opening Act(s): Rage Against the Machine

Elevation
April 6, 2001
Venue: Pepsi Center, Denver, Colorado
Opening Act(s): PJ Harvey
November 7, 2001
Venue: Pepsi Center, Denver, Colorado
Opening Act(s): No Doubt
Bono was the inspiration for my alter ego Chocolate Chong.

Posted by RAD at 09:21 AM
No Words 8

photo by Mc B.

Posted by RAD at 07:23 AM | Comments (0)
July 01, 2004
My Dad: Richard Charles Dale
November 19, 1983 changed my life forever. That was the date when my father
died. My sister and I had just turned 8 on the day before. I have vague memories
during that hazy part of my life. I vividly remember the funeral, wake and
hearing my older brother crying while taking a shower. It’s a lot for an
8-year-old to bear. It seemed as thought I had to grow up early due to more
responsibilities. It’ll be 21 years this coming November. It’s a long time …

Dad
Growing up without a father was tough. One hears about dysfunctional families
all the time. I weep for such dysfunctional families. The divorce rate is
massive in this country, and broken homes more often than naught are the result
of divorce. But my family was broken up due to the fact that he died on us.
There was no divorce. My family, while maybe a tad weird, is as close to normal
as can possibly be. I hear horror stories about some families and their
problems. It’s almost unfathomable. Nothing fazes me though. Nothing I am
willing to admit anyways.
I miss my dad. There are times when I wonder if he is watching from some other
place. I wish that he could have gone to all of my college plays or my
graduations. I wish he could have been around to comfort my mom in times of
stress. I wish …
I have to give major kudos to Mommie Dearest. My mother raised 4 kids
single-handedly. It’s an amazing feat and I love her deeply. She worked her ass
off to provide for her family. And we’re all normal! Well … relatively normal
anyways. We isn’t murderers that is for sure! We were poor, but we didn’t know,
even while sporting the 70’s-esque hand-me-down clothes and drinking dirt-water
from the well out back and washing the sammich baggies so we could reuse them…
I am almost a splitting image of my father. Supposedly we are so much alike.
That brings me to a freakish realization that if I do not change my lifestyle,
I’ll probably end up dead at 37 like him, or maybe earlier. I need to change so
many things. I know what I need to do ... I just have to do it.
I love you dad. I miss you.
Posted by RAD at 12:42 PM | Comments (3)
NASA SAMMICH MAMMIE REJECT
The National Aeronautics and Space Administration has rejected me. I applied for
a job with one of their agencies as a Sandwich Inspector and was forcefully,
albeit tastefully, denied. I am not bitter. It is their loss. I know the
astronauts would chomp with glee upon feasting on my sandwiches. In this
hallowed Ilog, I have boasted many a time about my prowess as a “master chef.”
My delicacies in the sandwich arena can be summed up easily: I can make some
pretty damn good sammiches.

My specialties are the Ruben sammich and the Monte Cristo sammich. All of my
sammiches are crammed with the finest quality meats, over-flowing with thinly
slices and fresh ingredients. The secret to my sammiches is how they
occasionally drip with grease, creating such a flavor. Sauerkraut is a must on
my Rubens. A homemade raspberry glaze is a must on my Cristos.
My sammiches are so presentable that one might want to rub the sammiches on
their bodies or squeeze them with mighty force, spilling the ingredients from
their tasty corners. I do not know. Treat my sammiches how you wish but do it
with a smile.
I kick myself in the groin with the knowledge that the NASA astronauts or flight
controllers will not be able to shove the sammiches into their gobs whilst on
orbit or at console. Perhaps another position will be opening up soon.
These sammich-types should not be confused with my other culinary glories. I am
also a Hoagie Authority. Just call me “Sammich Mammie.”
Posted by RAD at 07:45 AM | Comments (3)
Movie Newspaper Editors
Being a news whore and trained in the journalistic ways, I cheer and applaud the
motion picture industries portrayal of newspaper editors throughout the years.
My favorites are the editors in Spiderman, Citizen Kane and Superman.

These guys really know their stuff and sometimes use aggressive and somewhat
shady tactics in the creation of the powerful printed word. Before the paper
goes to bed, they are there redesigning the front page or changing the
headlines. I aspire to be like these rock-hard ass kickers. They get the job
done with flavor. They’ve got distinct personalities. They are leaders, shakers
and movers. They are editors. Bask in their glory!
Posted by RAD at 07:23 AM | Comments (0)