Biscuits and Gravy

Biscuits and gravy: the finest grub ever invented by modern man. I am the founder and President of The B&G Society, a vagabond group of people who search the world over for the holiest of holies: the bestest plate of biscuits and gravy ever! We elite at the B&G Society are ever searching, always seeking, the holy grail of biscuits and gravy.

My fascination with this wholesome breakfasty treat started in my teen years. I first made biscuits and gravy on Sunday, December 1, 1991. I remember it like it was yesterday. I was 16 at the time and whipped up a hefty batch with best friend MELT. The culinary delight had ground turkey white gravy and was GOOD!

Here at the radhole HQ, we have shared countless plates of biscuits and gravy together over the years.

The search still continues to this day.

I pride myself on taking the quest so very seriously. I know that the finest plate of biscuits and gravy is out there somewhere. Some say B&G is deadly and I laugh! I consider it like the Japanese delicacy, fugu! The hunt for B&G takes determination, foresight and leaves no room for bashfulness. It’s a rough road. Don’t be afraid to photograph your biscuits and gravy. You shall not be persecuted.

While on the travels, one never knows when one will hit a B&G jackpot. Truck stops, family owned restrents or street vendors usually sell the grub B&G. Undoubtedly, while on the road, there is a painful twinge in the back of your brain, a hankering for a mess of fluffy, mongo buttermilk biscuits slathered in peppery, white country sausage gravy. Few can fight the urge.

In the constant search for biscuity goodness, the quest has taken me to various locations upon this great American land: Kentucky, Alabama, Kansas, Iowa, Minnesota, Nevada, Ohio, California, Delaware, New York, Washington DC, Georgia, Tennessee, Illinois, Missouri, South Dakota, Texas, Florida, Utah and Colorado.

I’ve searched and searched for the ideal biscuity knowledge. The one true source! But nothing compares to the righteous and stout recipe by GrandPappie Bailey. I was weaned on his freshly split buttery enchantment. I used to watch him craft breakfast. He was a cook in the World War II. He taught me to cook. Them biscuits are legendary! Them breakfasts am hearty. I salivate.

Old GrandPappie Bailey perfected his blissful recipe when he was four years old back in Saratoga Township, Pratt County, Kansas in 1925! Forget Bisquick! GrandPappie make his exquisite biscuits from scratch and they’ll make you rise on up and proclaim with a hearty holler "GrandPappie Bailey’s biscuits make me sing in jubilee!" Add those goodly biscuits to perfecto gravy sunshine, luscious gravy or grubby gravy; all made from the drippings of the finest browned breakfast sausage, and you’ve got yourself a mess of breakfast delight!

Biscuits and gravy is a tradition in certain circles, a great ceremony. There are times when B&G is made just for the sake of making it. It’s a treat to sit down to a steaming plate of biscuits and gravy. Try it. They taste good any time of year.

Besides homemade, the current best biscuits and gravy (2008) reside at Bauer's Campus Café, 435 Poncha, Alamosa, CO 81101 (719) 589-4202. They are cheap and delectable.

Russ Dale
Biscuits and Gravy Society

a small B&G gallery

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excerpt from CON 2001 by Matthew E. Twardy, Eric Kemper and Russell A. Dale (2001)

EXT. SPIDER HILL - MORNING

PAUL is awakened by PEPE shaking him and handing him a steaming plate of biscuits and gravy. She wears Spock ears and a CON 2001 T-shirt.

PEPE
Hey ... You want biscuits and gravy?

PAUL
Oh hell yeah. Thanks man!

PEPE
Coffee?
-

Biscuits and Gravy Rap Lyrics:

TELEPHONE CONVERSATION

Yo. We hit the B&G jackpot dawg. We be sittin' down to a heapin' plate of biscuits and gravy yo. Better dan da restrents. Come on over Shiz-Hole. It's homemade from the drippings of the finest browned breakfast sausage. Uh huh. Dats right. You's got a hankering for a mess of fluffy, mongo buttermilk biscuits covered in peppery, white country sausage gravy? I'll sees you in ten minutes dawg!

What up J-Hole? I's got a song fo you.
Forget your cereal. We got lardy goodness.
It's ethereal. Down right crudeness
Food stuffs. Release your cuffs.
No greasy bacon. Hey I ain't fakin' It's time to awaken!
No no no
No eggs neither
Take a breatha

We's gonna slather
or rather
tether, every otha, whilst enjoy this weather.
And together
Fill our bellies with anti jams and jellies. Inhale the smellies, no delis fellies, feelin' wellies. Feliz Navadad!
Knees on sod, pray to God, not Zod, just nod, join the B&G vice squad. It's odd.
It's peppery. We play. Don't stray!

It's biscuity goodness. Call the press.
I see you drool. Welcome to school.
You's got hunger? You ain't getting' any younger!
The pains be stabbin'. Yo stomach you grabbin'
Soooooooooooo

(Chorus)
Grab a plate yo. It's feast time.
You's be filled with glee
At my blissful recipe.
It's Biscuits. Biscuits and gravy. (HAY-VE)
freshly split
buttery enchantment (buttery)
hearty contentment
Don't be lazy. Taste my gravy

I used that buttermilk? Smoother than silk!
And da steamin' pepper white gravy. Sweeeeeeet so very savory.
Can't forget the peppah. Freshly ground black peppah.
Pass the butter yo. Ain't in no mood for olio.
Damn straight yo. We go wit da flow.
Got the Jimmy Dean sausage. Brown breakfast sausage.
Yo it's spicy pork. Don't need no goddamn fork.
I know I be a smarty. This food am mighty hearty.

Hear that bell that ring? Join me and sing.
It's breakfast time. Come here my rhyme.
(Chorus)
It's feast time.
You's be filled with glee
At my blissful recipe.
It's Biscuits. Biscuits and gravy.
freshly split
buttery enchantment
hearty contentment
Don't be lazy. Taste my gravy

Taste like shit? Damn foo. You don't like it?
Well fuck you!

I slather I don't skimp. I'm the B&G pimp.

Posted by RAD at February 21, 2008 9:30 PM