I get a whole lot of wacky emails. This is one of the best:
TO: R.A. Dale (flight0001@hotmail.com)
FROM: MARLEY P. JACOBS (poachy_stew1959@XXXXXX.org)
SUBJECT: I Poach to RADcast
Dear Mr. Dale:
I’m a poacher ya see, one who poaches. It’s my trade and I’m not talkin’ poachin’ eggs. It's wildlife or plants that I poach and I make a pretty hefty living off it. Which is why I am writing you this email. I know you and your RADcast co-host Matt fish and enjoy the out-of-doors, but have you ever thought of joining the poaching ranks?
I have no hunting or fishing license. “The Essence of The Poach” is my manual, a hand woven tale, a code, my code; I don’t cater to fish and game rules! I don’t find shame in using a 15 million candlepower spotlight to stunparalyze a mule deer buck walking across a light-industrial lot before I draw my sights down and smite it’s life away in horrific and booming glory.
Many hours do I spend poaching in almost silence, surrounded by nature and the elements, The Great Spirit with me. I carry a ritual blade and an MP3 player. Your RADcast keeps me company. I download it every week.
I wanted to praise your show unlike the praise I receive for the artful poach in which I partake day in and day out. Praise in my circle sounds like:
“Damn buster you just poached that bad boy!” McFarley shouts.
My only everytime reply, “Shit son I love poaching.”
Inspirational is the RADcast. Keep up the good work.
Poaaching for coin in Iowa,
Marley P. Jacobs
Mt. Pleasant, Iowa
Dear Marley,
I tend to agree with your credo. You are after all a man of the world, living off the land. I’m certain a trim fellow such as you would only claim what he could eat. You eat what you kill. Be it poached eggs, yams, game, fresh squirrel, roasted ground hog, great joints of rat tale, succulent puppy tongue, crunchy cockroaches, stray cat surprise, feral pig fish dip, or any number of odd wildlife life that might roam the metropolitan.
Once more I like to applaud your care free lifestyle. A man of your stature has but one thing to answer to: his stomach. And indeed poaching, as you’ve described it, sounds the easy life filled with the adventure of the hunt, long summer’s days, and cool winter nights. A man for all seasons is what you are.
Though don’t poach form me, for my terror is more than you can bear. I say keep poaching. I only ask one other thing – when you’re out and about in the wilderness with the atomic spotlight…. Please consider hydrogen as an alternative fuel source. In that way, at the very least, you can help to preserve the environment for future generations.
If you’re gonna do it…. Do it clean man.
And keep to the wildlife.
And don’t bread.
Please.
T