Sometimes I crave the wayward hobo life and I would cheerfully be one who drunkenly flips on freight trains to travel the world whilst shabbily dressed in my best glad rags. That's right I know the hobo lingo. My hobo name would be Sir Railcar McRumdum.
Railcar do scoff at using shopping carts to carry my belongings and they are impractical when leaping aboard moving trains. My bindle would be proudly slung over my shoulder, made from the finest gaudy blanket and tied around the end of a lavish mahogany stick etched with symbols of my creation and unknown origin. In it I would carry the essentials: iPod, extra changes of underwear, soaps, biscuits, a smallish cask of bathtub gin and a picture of my family.
In Britain I would be called a "rough sleeper." I prefer "hobo" thank you. Or please call me "My Sovereign Hobo." Thanks. Don't look me in the eyes!
I am the best mulligan mixer ever because I have the finest recipe for Mulligan Stew consisting of beef broth, potatoes, carrots, celery, onions, cat meat, spices and herbs. Hobos chuck a dummy at my stew. I share my stew with the "Brotherhood of the Hobo" only and none other. So don't even ask for a bit of my stew unless you know the secret hobo handshake and can interpret the wall signals scrawled in crayon or charcoal.
My road stake would be 75 US dollars, for emergencies. I hide that cash in a special place.
I would spread misinformation of the hobo code so that nobody could horde my safe zones around the nation. I'd be a sinister hobo, an infamous hobo and a hobo who doesn't play by those wacky hobo rules. I create my own hobo code! You wish you knew my hobo code. Why don't you hobo yourself away from me wretch! I like the word hobo. Maybe I will name my firstborn Howard Hobo Dale if it's a boy and Glenda Hobo Dale if it's a girl. The possibilities are endless. I could name them Hobo only, like Bono, Madonna and Cher.
Sir Railcar McRumdum, me, will be the most famous hobo of all time. I foresee it. I know it will be true. Perhaps I could star in a hobo reality show like "Dancing with the Hobos" or "Survivor: Hobo Town" or "Hobo Factor" or " Hannah Mont-Hobo" or "CSI: Special Hobo Unit" or MTV's "Pimp My Hobo" or science fiction classics "The Bionic Hobo" or "Flash Hobo" or "Babylon Hobo."
Posted by RAD at October 3, 2007 7:40 PM